Selfish Selflessness

Permission to Self-Invest

The Hidden Cost of Neglect

There's a pervasive cultural pressure that encourages neglecting personal well-being for the sake of productivity, vanity, and reputation. We’re over-indexed on valuing “doing more” and “achieving more”, no matter the cost to our health, sanity, or peace.

This version of self-neglect for the purpose of productivity is pretty easy to recognize as a problem. We’re over-worked, under-rested, and ill-invested into our own sense of fulfillment.

The version that’s more difficult to label as unhealthy or unhelpful is the kind of self-neglect that exists due to putting others first.

We love our friends and family and want what’s best for them. We continue to toss aside our needs and wants in order to prioritize the needs and wants of the people we care for.

In general, this is an excellent form of living as a giver and not a taker, as a faucet and not a drain, and being driven by humility and not ego. Embodying the value of seeing others as more important than we see ourselves is most certainly a core tenant of living “the better way.”

While these motivations are noble, they frequently lead to an insidious form of self-neglect that compromises not just our health, but our very sense of self.

When we disregard personal investment and well-being, we risk losing our ability to serve others effectively.

Blind Self-Sacrifice

Blind self-sacrifice can be one of the most selfish things we can do, as it ultimately undermines our capacity to sustain meaningful impact into the lives of those we serve.

The idea of selflessness often comes at a significant personal cost. When we neglect self-care, we may find ourselves depleted and unable to provide the support and service we originally intended.

This depletion not only affects our health but can also lead to a sense of bitterness and resentment towards those we are sacrificing for in the first place.

Without a solid foundation of self-care and self-development, our ability to be genuinely supportive and effective is severely compromised.

Here’s a big thing to consider — If we aren’t investing into ourselves then we likely cease to become a “self” at all. We live without clarity, without purpose, without awareness of our unique personality traits, and without a strong identity. If this becomes true of us, then we’re not actually showing up for the people we serve.

People need our support, our effort, our resources, our skills….sure. However, one of the most valuable things we can offer another human being is honest connection. If we do not take time to develop connection with our own selves, we can not offer it to others.

It is through self-preservation, self-investment, self-empowerment, and self-effort that we can truly serve those around us best.

Investing in our own well-being is not an act of selfishness but a necessary strategy to elevate our capacity for serving others in a meaningful and sustainable way.

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Strategies for Sustainable Self-Care

Solitude

Strategy | Carve out regular time for solitude, where you can engage in introspective activities that rejuvenate your mind and soul.

Tactics:

• Schedule Solitude | Set aside 10-15 minutes each day for quiet reflection, scripture, or meditation. Use this time to clear your mind, reflect on your thoughts, and reconnect with yourself.

• Create a Sanctuary | Designate a space in your home where you can retreat for solitude. Make it comfortable, inviting, and inspiring.

• Engage in Reflective Writing | Maintain a journal to capture your thoughts and feelings. This practice can help you gain clarity and process emotions.

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Play

Strategy | Incorporate playful and creative activities into your routine to refresh your spirit and stimulate creativity.

Tactics:

• Schedule Hobbies| Engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to express yourself creatively, whether it's painting, gardening, or playing an instrument. For this to work, you have to actually pencil it into your calendar.

• Mindless Play | If you’re a bit of a productivity or “service” junky, doing things that are by nature, “unproductive” could be just the tactic for you. This could include playing a game, taking a walk in nature, watching a show, kayaking, grabbing coffee with a friend.

• Join a Community | Participate in a club or group activity that aligns with your interests. This not only provides an outlet for play but also connects you with like-minded individuals. One critical note here is that you should allow this community to give to you and not just the other way around.

Health

Strategy | Prioritize your physical and mental health through consistent and balanced practices that promote overall well-being.

Tactics:

• Develop a Balanced Routine | Create a routine that includes regular exercise, a nutritious diet, and adequate sleep. In your training make sure your program involves both lifting heavy and breathing heavy.

• Monitor and Manage Stress | Practice stress management techniques such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or yoga. Recognize stressors and develop strategies to manage them effectively.

• Seek Support | Counseling being a taboo topic exists in a bygone era. Ask for help and seek support.

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Remember, self-care is not a luxury but a necessity for maintaining the strength and resilience needed to contribute meaningfully to the lives of others. By taking care of ourselves, we ensure that our service is not only impactful but also enduring.